
📜 Hobby programmer, ROM hacker, retro computers & consoles, anime & manga fan, sometimes NSFW?
🌐 🇩🇪/native, 🇺🇸🇬🇧🇦🇺/good, 🇯🇵/へた
📷 via Picrew by 🐦kureihii https://picrew.me/image_maker/1272810
I actually did read this when you posted it! I'd just been mulling exactly what I wanted to write in response, but yeah.
First off, I just wanna say, speaking for myself, I do read just about everything you post (and I did when I was more active on Twitter, too!), and I'm not just saying that to be nice and try to console you. I may not always comment or respond, but that's not a reflection on the value of what you write about; I just don't always have the knowledge or vocabulary to contribute anything all that meaningful myself. But I still learn a ton of cool things about coding and the platforms I'm not so well-versed in like the Wonderswan from what you share! That's always been the case since I think it was Ehm who introduced us all those years ago and I paid you for that Zettai Zetsumei Toshi 3 demo data you kindly shared with me. There's a reason why I reached out to you first to ask for help for my (eventually) upcoming arcade project! 
But I also empathize with the spot you're in, I really do, and I don't just mean that as somebody who writes a lot of niche stuff of his own that doesn't always get much traction. After I graduated uni with my Japanese degree, it took me a really long time to find stable, paying work, and in that time, I was stuck dealing with a pretty toxic home situation after running out of money from my school loans and having to move back in. In short, it wasn't a great period for my self-worth and, I'll be real with you, my mind went to some pretty dark places at times. I'm doing a lot better these days, especially now that I'm in Japan and away from that old environment more or less permanently, but the damage was real and it's taken a long time to regain confidence, which itself has been a journey with its own ups and downs.
I won't pretend to have answers for your situation, and I know that's not what you're looking for, as much as I wish I had better ones as a friend other than "capitalism sucks and we need universal income so we can all do more of what we love without guilt or starvation," which, yeah. But I've also had family members who were in really similar overall situations while they were alive and struggling to find meaningful ways forward amidst it all, so I also super feel for you from that perspective, too. Just know that I think you're a genuinely cool person with plenty of insightful things to share and your presence legitimately enriches my little corner of the Internet, and I sincerely doubt I'm alone. Speaking as someone who is where he is in large part because a couple of people took chances on me when other people wouldn't necessarily have by any means, I'll forever hope you find your own chance, whatever shape that takes. And if I can figure out more ways to collaborate with you in the future and you're up for it, I definitely want to, too! 
Anyway, don't feel like you have to reply to all this. I know it's a lot to get dumped on your feed. I just felt like I needed to say something, even if that something can only do so much for you in the hear and now. You're worth the time and effort. 
Yeah, I can't reply to all of it, but I definitely, sincerely thank you for writing that. Reading that did help and makes me feel better, at least to an extend. The last few days haven't been great, something must've happened, something I probably only experienced subconsciously because everything seemed like just the usual rut, but whatever it was, it managed to push my mind just a bit too far. I have been getting better again tho, bit by bit.
btw, about the ZZT3 demo, looking that up again I noticed the Demoban domain expired (I guess), because it's now trying to redirect me to something uBlock Origin is blocking? Just so you know, because Google primarily links there instead right to Tumblr.
I'm glad you're doing a little better at least! I definitely have my lethargic days, too, especially this past year after a lot of life stuff that happened on top of the move to Japan and stuff, so I get the next to just talk about it and put it all out there. That's healthy and I'm glad you did that! 😌
And yeah, I let the Demoban domain lapse because I've just been so inactive in that "scene" for so long, if you could call my contributions much on that end. The Tumblr itself should still exist, but yeah. Looks like it routes to some sort of financial trading hub for god knows what reason now. I feel bad letting it go now, if I knew that's what would become of it so quickly, I'd have held onto it, ack, ahaha. I should probably at least check which of that old content isn't on the Internet Archive and get it up there, although the No Intro dumps had really closed the gap by the time I stopped posting either way.