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Oh shit, it's an Escape Claws! When you put them on, you can use them to dig a tunnel through the nearest floor or wall - even if there shouldn't be anything to tunnel through, if you're underwater or in the air. The tunnel either leads to freedom or to a room full of armed guards, whichever is funnier.

776GP

• get elected to senate for naboo
• start new sith order
• work republic and separatists against each other. recruit evil guy to lead separatists.

(this jedi kid is wicked strong!)

• get jedi in deep with clone army. (save some clone jars for later? just in case...)
• PIVOT: Make the jedi kid evil. dont need separatist guy anymore. got a new evil guy.
• make my evil guy kill his jedi pals when they come to arrest me. ill finish em off with my lightning attack

(fucking guy used his sword to bounce my lightning back at me! honestly my fault. takes a minute for the lightning to wind down and he got my ass on the bounce. fair play. now i look like a leather couch but its fine. can blame jedi for THAT too)

• Use the clones to kill the jedi, have my evil guy kill the seperatists, keep the army, spin into empire

GALAXY NOW UNDER MY CONTROL

• chill as emperor for a while. humiliate Vader for a laugh. make death star.

Endgame achieved.

(Vader's kid blows up my death star)

• PIVOT: get new young apprentice by turning him evil once he kills his dad, or maybe make Vader cooler by making him kill his gay son. either way its a win-win for me.

(thrown down hole and killed.)

• PIVOT: good thing i kept those clone jars!! make new clone body to inhabit. takes time to get right. need something to do until then
• build enormous fleet of big spaceships, each with their own super death star laser. keep em on the down low... why use em? they lose half the value as soon as you fly them off the lot

(clone son betrays me but its no biggie. its fine. have loads of clones at this point. whats one clone son?)

• create a DECOY fascist empire. put one of my weirder clones in charge. Not giving them any of my ships though. can build his own shit. dont look at me. get a bank loan
• let failed clone recruit vaders grandson (will explain why later) let those guys take over the galaxy with a different super death star. assume they built this one themselves. very cute!

GALAXY NOW UNDER MY CONTROL (only via proxy tho. not done yet)

• let(??) vaders grandson ("ben"?? ok) usurp failed clone and rule galaxy. wants to “kill the past” but whatever. can still make this work. NEED to keep this kid in the mix (will make sense when we get there)
• drop the big news. Im not dead! Fortnite. awesome moment.
• lead kylo ren to my base using complex scavenger hunt. puzzle knife.
• tell him he’s always actually worked for me. big reveal. big moment. He's my lackey now. a little traitorous and unreliable, but this will pay off later trust me
• use death star ships to take over galaxy even more

GALAXY NOW UNDER MY CONTROL (awesome... but not enough. something missing)

• let kylo ren lead clone granddaughter to home base using complex scavenger hunt. Puzzle Knife cool enough idea to do twice i think

• taunt granddaughter into killing me so i can possess her un-janked body. All part of my grand scheme...

Endgame achieved. (??)

(kylo ren betrays me)

• PIVOT: Possession stupid plan anyway. Instead, use ben and reys Horny Essence to make my nasty old body normal again.
• throw ben in hole (grandson purpose revealed)
• destroy resistance with lightning powers. shooting spaceships down with magic lightning basically a solved problem at this point.

GALAXY NOW UNDER MY CONTROL

• kill the granddaughter actually. dont need her anymore. lightning powers classic for a reason.

ive got this thing in the bag as long as she doesn't bounce the lightning back at me off her fucking laser sword.

Endgame achieved.

now in audio form thanks to @austin on @MoreCivilized