underdiscussed aspect of insomnia is how it makes it impossible to trust your body when it comes to feeling tired. i won't go to bed without taking a sleeping pill or getting high because even if 9 out of 10 times i fall asleep when i feel tired (which i don't) the remaining 1 time i'm going to be getting literally no sleep the whole night. i will get out of bed with my alarm having lied there fully awake for hours. it fucking sucks
i mean it also doesn't help that i will sometimes stay up late on purpose. but even when i'm not doing that regularly these issues are present. so it's like i may as well just do what makes me happier