it's very weird thinking about just, how I plan out continuing to exist in this world. I need some way to keep enough money coming in that I can keep a roof over my head and food on the table. plus our big group is trying to hunt down a place to live, and it's way harder than it has any right to be and places for four people are so expensive now...
I'm good at programming and systems design stuff, in a ton of different spaces. databases and analytics in particular, but I've done a bunch of stuff that's game-shaped... should probably do more to show what I'm capable of there, I have plans, they just feel hard to start on lately. everything does.
meanwhile I'm feeling stronger urges to do more art and writing, strong enough that they overpower any urge to program. I'm not sure how much of this is just extended burnout, how much is executive dysfunction biting me, or what else might be going on here. but...
it feels weird? like. I'm not able to have a "career" because of the shape of the world. if I get another tech position soon, it's probably not going to be in the same fields I've been in. and I really don't want to be in non-indie game dev at this point either. if I focus on my art and that ends up keeping me alive, it'll take a while to get used to "I guess I'm mostly a sci-fi comics and illustrated writer now" after years upon years of thinking I was going to be doing something very different. doing that alongside having a job stocking shelves or something similar is doable but I know it'd be exhausting.
but right now I feel like I'm stuck between three or four different things I could do that could make sure things will be OK, but I can't choose. I have to do all of them. which means none of them jump out in front to get done first.
existing should not be this hard.