It's a question that I've struggled with my entire life, and I've never found a satisfying singular answer. I don't believe in an afterlife, and if I'm going to die like everyone does, why go the long way? Why not just skip the end?
One thing I tried as an answer was absurdism. I guess, fundementally, I believe it's true - that there's no specific purpose I'm, or anyone else, is alive. The lack of purpose gives a sort of freedom. "Nothing I do matters [existentially]." Is like a double edged sword. I could do anything I want, but why do anything at all. It is, after all, purposeless.
I admire a lot of people who do things. As generic as that statement is, it's pretty much wholly true. People who have reasons, whatever they might be, who can wake up and live their life and not constantly ask themselves "Why?". I have no idea how to do that. I'm not sure if I can do that. It feels like I'm just slowly moving forward and waiting to die, and I genuinely hate it.
