zakamitesro

Welcome to The Sanctuary

  • He/They

Novice Game Developer, Novice Programmer.

Fan of Video Games and Anime.

Constantly Learning, Failing, Growing.
23 yo


It's a question that I've struggled with my entire life, and I've never found a satisfying singular answer. I don't believe in an afterlife, and if I'm going to die like everyone does, why go the long way? Why not just skip the end?

One thing I tried as an answer was absurdism. I guess, fundementally, I believe it's true - that there's no specific purpose I'm, or anyone else, is alive. The lack of purpose gives a sort of freedom. "Nothing I do matters [existentially]." Is like a double edged sword. I could do anything I want, but why do anything at all. It is, after all, purposeless.

I admire a lot of people who do things. As generic as that statement is, it's pretty much wholly true. People who have reasons, whatever they might be, who can wake up and live their life and not constantly ask themselves "Why?". I have no idea how to do that. I'm not sure if I can do that. It feels like I'm just slowly moving forward and waiting to die, and I genuinely hate it.


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in reply to @zakamitesro's post:

I know you said you were a fan of video games, so let's start there— why play a video game? Is it to defeat the final boss? Maybe, in some games, but not necessarily for others. Puzzle games like Tetris or simulation games like Stardew Valley don't have any sort of final goal, per se. So why do people play these types of games anyways?
Most people I know who play Tetris enjoy it as a competitive player-versus-player game. It's about getting better at the game— building better stacks, seeing T-spins, knowing when to counter garbage and when to accept it, downstacking faster.
People who play Stardew Valley might be interested in developing their relationships with certain characters. Others might be building their ideal farm. Some might really enjoy the fishing minigame.
I think real life is the same way. Maybe you're trying to get really good at ceramics or wushu, and the prospect of getting a job so you can pursue these things isn't so painful. Other times, you might get to know some people in your life that you still want to talk to tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. Maybe you just want to see, hey, there's that alleyway I always walk past, I wonder what's there? What about this restaurant I passed today that was closed, the reviews were good, I should come back soon...
It's okay if it's small things. We're composed of small things. A thousand years after today we may simply be forgotten. But so too will the flowers of the Delonix regia blooming down the street. Even so, it's still beautiful today. And I will love it still.